I'm a human being with a sense of humor. I am a non-rebellious nonconformist. Check out my notes to new (and old) readers and a fresh look (at me) entries for pretty much everything you ever needed to know about me. This LJ is friends only for personal privacy reasons, but new friends are always welcome!
Through the eyes of her friends:
Here are some quotes from my friends about me, which should tell you something about me, and also tells you that I have AWESOME friends. :)
Jenny has saved my sanity more times than I can count as I've gotten accustomed to this parenting business. She's also an incredibly thoughtful friend, offering soothing words of encouragement or a firm reality check as needed. Whether I need a hug or a poke, Jenny is my go-to. - Andrea
Jenny is the sister you never knew you wanted, and you wouldn't trade her for a puppy even if your folks asked you. - Missy
Jenny is possessed of an astonishing and singular emotional intelligence, a wisdom about the souls of people and the wider world that she employs in the service of kindness, encouragement and creation. She's passionate rather than strident, no-nonsense without being cruel, loyal without clinginess and right without being snotty. - N.
Jenny is an insightful and honest friend. If you are looking for someone who will tell you what you need to know when you need to know it, she is the one you're looking for. - K.
Jenny strongly values mutuality and honesty in her friendships. It is both beautiful and severe, as the too-flighty definitely need not apply. The benefit is that if you commit to an active friendship with her, she will respond in kind, with a genuine caring and empathy as well as a presence. You will be seen and heard and loved. - Christi
The reality of raising children is a constant agony of hope, disappointment, worry, triumph, occasional hilarity and, once in a very rare while, a moment of transcending awe.
Live your life, follow the roads you follow, shape yourself and be shaped and do your best with what comes out of the crucible. No turning back, no regrets.
Death will always be my friend, even as life is my lover.
"The song of my life...sad and starry and wild and free and wind-blown and driven and passionate and strong, and somewhere, somehow, I cross over the edge into something beyond happiness, but ecstasy isn't the word. Peace, it's like. Joy, maybe. Yes, joy.
And joy. :)"
When the only method of argument allowed us is belief, the argument is inherently useless.
Today's hindsight is tomorrow's foresight.
There are plenty of things worth dying for, but very few worth killing for.
I can't worry about healing old wounds that have scarred over, because they are a part of me, too. I need to learn to love the scars, is all. That I can do. I'm good at love.
There's a difference between a scar and a scab. Scars are done...they're healed over, even though the mark remains. Scabs aren't. So it's important to determine, when one feels a bump, whether it is a scar or a scab.
"I have more than once sat in my car somewhere and just screamed and screamed, with a bit of swearing and sometimes crying. Sometimes you just have to let it out.
Sometimes, you just have to take a DEEP breath, look at it all again, and let it go.
Sometimes you have to cry shatteringly for an hour or so.
Sometimes you just have to encounter one critical bit of joy.
There's no answer but the one you find for yourself. *hugs*"
It's as if I am sand, blown and shaped by wind...but the wind is me as well. There's a strange flow to me, that even I don't really understand and only occasionally even sense. I am wind and sand, neither one more than the other, and I'm simple me and complex me, and if only I had a language...
To see your dream realized would be a thing of immense beauty and joy for me.
Wisdom is the reclamation of innocence.
I know that life and death are the ebb and flow of an infinite ocean, and I know how to watch the water and I know how to swim.
Sorrow is far better than anger to carry around.
Attitude is the difference between a bump in the road and a real trip.
On friendships/relationships: "One can only beat one's head against a brick wall so many times, even if it's a lovely brick wall that one cared about as if one had built it him/herself, even if the brick wall honestly believes that it is not a wall at all but that the other is the wall. Sometimes, the door in the wall (or walls) just can't be found.
It's an extremely hard, painful thing to come to terms with, but it is what it is. Life goes on and passes far too quickly to get lost in what-if and if-only. Letting go is sometimes really the only answer.
Fortunately, life is usually far more full of doors and windows than walls."
"You can go on grieving all your life, but that way lies nothing but sorrow; let yourself grieve it out, hard, once, till you're wrung out, and then gently shut the door, place a nice sachet or something soft and durable on it, and walk away. Every once in a while, you come up on the door, and you pat the sachet and remember that this door is closed and done. Life is too, too short, as you well know, and we have people that love us and need us and a wide, beautiful world to live in...we make the choice, every day, sometimes every minute, to stay in it, to really, truly live..."
In answer to the question, "So what keeps you keepin' on when all you want to do is give up and never get up again?" It's only temporary...it's ALWAYS temporary. So if it's bad, I know it'll go away and I just have to hang on till it does, and if it's good, I know to cherish it like crazy 'cause it'll be gone sooner than I want it to. (I'm human, so sometimes I don't do so good at the cherishing of long-term things, but I do okay.) Also, it could pretty much always be worse...and if it can't, it can only get better. I concentrate on the amazing little things; wind, trees, birds, breathing, feeling...till I remember how astonishingly wonderful just getting to be alive is. It IS about living your life...part of why I know that is because my parents were far too prone to sacrificing themselves on the altar of their children, and it's tragic. You can't throw their needs and desires out the window, of course, but you should always strive for balance, find ways to make sure you get what you need to keep you going and reasonably happy and content most of the time...which makes it a lot easier to get through the times when the balance is such that you DO have to sacrifice yourself for a while. Finally, I force myself to get out of my own head (without burying the bad stuff so that it comes back later and bites me even harder); I get involved in someone else's problems, help a friend or a stranger, do instead of think, things like that, and the next thing I know I've moved past the bad stuff somehow.
It's very hard to balance on the edge of hope and disappointment.
Shakespeare wrote and Jenny repeats:
"If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended, that you but slumbered here, while these visions did appear..." (I am not for the faint of heart, and would prefer such souls pretend they never saw what they thought they saw.)
"This above all: To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." (In Shakespeare's way, I always think this was a play on words; it seems to talk of loyalty, but, to me, it speaks of honesty. :)
Other Quotations of Interest/Personal Relevance:
I used to use the handle GypsyJen/GypsyJenx, here and on alt.callahans. My old tagline from A.C. is worth keeping around: "Grow until your mind is the size of the world. Do not try to compress the world to make it fit inside your mind." - Charles Ardai
Deep peace of the running wave to you. Deep peace of the flowing air to you. Deep peace of the quiet earth to you. Deep peace of the shining stars to you. Deep peace of the infinite peace to you. - adapted from William Sharp
There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness. - Pearl S. Buck
"A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus... He must evolve a method for all human conflict which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. " - Martin Luther King, Jr.
"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then—to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn." — T.H. White, The Once and Future King
If you ask what kind of a man he was, he answers that he lived content with his own small fortune. Bred a scholar, he made his learning subservient only to the cause of truth. This you will learn from his writings, which will show you everything else concerning him, with greater truth, than the suspect praises of an epitaph. - From John Locke's epitaph
"A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation." - Bertrand Russell
Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. - Clarence Budington Kelland
"Music is not technique and melody, but the meaning of life itself. Infinitely sorrowful and unbearably beautiful" - Pearl Buck
"Happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness." - Robertson Davies
"He was a genius - that is to say, a man who does superlatively and without obvious effort something that most people cannot do by the uttermost exertion of their abilities." - Robertson Davies
I myself feel, and also tell other Buddhists that the question of Nirvana will come later. There is not much hurry. If in day to day life you lead a good life, [with] honesty, with love, with compassion, with less selfishness, then automatically it will lead to Nirvana. - Dalai Lama
Receive the children in reverence, educate them in love, and send them forth in freedom. - Rudolf Steiner
Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity, or undue depression in adversity. - Socrates
I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves. - Alexander Humboldt
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions. - Isaac Bashevis Singer
People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh
The important thing is not to stop questioning. - Albert Einstein
What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step. It is always the same step, but you have to take it. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
If you want peace, stop fighting. If you want peace of mind, stop fighting with your thoughts. - Peter McWilliams
Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory. - J. Donald Walters
This is what you should do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men...re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem. -Walt Whitman, Preface to the 1855 edition of Leaves of Grass (slightly altered along the way from the original, but this is how the quote on my door read; it was on the last page of an early Utne Reader; it says it was found, of all places, in the 89/90 annual report of The Body Shop. Which is WAY more info than anyone needs, but hey. :P)
INFJs have social skills. The social skills of a walking X-ray machine. - Kenneth F.
"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." - Albert Camus
For all that has been, thanks. For all that will be, yes. - Dag Hammarskjold
"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup." H.L. Mencken
You know, it just might...
(Better than being a cynic, anyway! "A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin." - H.L. Mencken)
Note: I went to NIU from '92 to '97, burned out, and came back and finished my degree 2000-2001.
Please NOTE: This journal is not censored for children. This means that if you are under the age of adulthood in your area, your primary caregiver will need to review this journal and determine whether you will be allowed to read it.